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THE 1 ESSENTIAL FACTOR FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

I finished the Course in Miracles after almost 3 years, and highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in letting go of illusions, being open to new perspectives on everything in life, and in understanding themselves more deeply and living more fully. Woohoo!! I did laugh at the final day – "this is not the end, but rather the end of one chapter, and the start of something new"

I mentioned in the last newsletter that I was taking the 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge, which is proving very challenging. I have gone for 48 hours complaint free, once, in 4 weeks!! It is much harder than I had imagined, but I love the idea that I don't complain, and put my NVC to good practice, using different language from the old default setting.

Which takes me to that 1 ESSENTIAL THING for any healthy relationship – a loving relationship with ourselves. No more, and no less! Norman Vincent Peale puts it very succinctly: "Since you must spend so much time with yourself, you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship"

  • It's often taught that our ability to get on with other people is a reflection of our ability to get along with ourselves. I like practical ideas rather than a discussion about it, so here are a few ideas I use in the Heart Centered Life coaching programme and in my practice.
  • Stand in front of a mirror and look into your eyes, saying aloud to yourself "< name > I love you. You are beautiful just the way you are". Repeat this every time you see yourself in a mirror or window.
  • Repeat this naked in front of a mirror

(From Complaint Free Relationships) Write your own eulogy. Spend at least half an hour writing out the things which have been great in your life – all achievements, voluntary work, contributions however big or small. Make sure to include all activities you have been involved in which have brought joy to others.

Make it a celebration of the great person you are

  • Read your eulogy aloud while standing in front of a mirror every day for 30 days

I have many more such exercises and you probably know lots that you could use. It doesn't matter so much what you do. It is more important that you DO IT. Find something that works for you which is about cherishing the relationship you have with YOU. This is not about self esteem (although indirectly it is) It is about choosing to love the only person you can truly know and love. Because only then will you be able to truly love others freely, without condition.

I have sent out the purple bands that I had, and have sent away for more, so get back to me if you would like to take up the 21 day challenge of going complaint free. You are in very good company!!